Thought for the Day

Fact: You can draw out excess salt from a meal by putting in a raw potato.
You can draw out spilt red wine from a carpet using salt.

Conclusion: You can draw out surplus potatoes by using salt.

A thought

I've lost count of the number of times I've been told that "your brain is the largest sex organ." That's quite blatantly untrue! The largest sex organ is your skin. Why, without your skin I doubt you would enjoy sex very much at all.

Monday
Tuesday
Friday..? The mind boggles.

Tip of the day

To tell if you have bad breath:

1. Lick your wrist
2. Wait ten seconds for it to dry
3. Sniff your wrist

Disclaimer: Doesn't work if your wrists normally smell bad, or if your breath smells very strongly of wrist.

Today's offering - a snail. Hooray.

I have coined a term for my lassitude since I got glandular fever. I have Post Viral Laziness. That should buy me some more time off work...

Stare into the eyes of the scary stary man

Astonishing rich-media internet experience! Look into the eyes of the little man. Move your head backwards and forwards, while remaining focussed on the face. The circles will appear to rotate! Also you will appear to have gone mad if anyone happens to be watching you..

Lord of the Rings Drinking Game

Go see the film - it's ace. Take a bottle of vodka or, I don't know, MD 20/20 in with you. Have a drink every time

• a hobbit does something really stupid that could ruin everything
• someone remembers the echoey words of someone wise (two drinks if it's Gandalf)
• the camera plummets from some mind-numbing height into stygian depths lit only with a baleful flickering glow
• someone says something, then shouts it very loud (two drinks if it's "Run. Run!!!")
• someone rides a horse in slow-motion
• there is an absolutely huge set of steps

There are probably a lot better ones that I can't think of right now. Still an excellent film, though. Definitely going to see it again, despite the dodgy dialogue..

Thought of the Day

Fact: Scientists at New York's Pace University have found "no scientific evidence" of the existence of the so-called G-spot.

Conclusion: This is more information than I needed to know about the sex lives of scientists at New York's Pace University.

Conclusion 2: I have at last reached the bottom of the barrel.

"brilliantly realised, an exotic, hyper-real English countryside"
"a quite thrilling spectacle, densely textured, handsomely played and surprisingly light on its feet"
"a piece of wonderment beyond anything crafted for the cinema in a long time"
"made by a genius masquerading as a normal human being"
Admittedly these journalists are referring to the Lord of the Rings film. But, had they seen it, I'm sure they would be saying the same things about Giant Bee.

Ever made up an incredibly clever password for a site? Something no-one would ever guess? Then forgotten it completely? Er, no. Me neither. Would never do anything that stupid.

Thank goodness

I am so glad Kurzweil CyberArt have come up with this.. it will leave me much more quality time to file things and add numbers together.

So I officially have glandular fever

I've got the test results and everything. The doctor rang me up specifically to tell me not to kiss anybody. That's pretty cool, in a James Bond/Mickey Spillane "my lips are deadly" kind of way.

Of course it's pretty depressing in a "my god, I'm a social leper" kind of way too. Hope it goes soon before I crack up and go on a city-wide licking spree and they have to gun me down like the mad dog that I am.

My friend Helen just made the point that this 'no kissing' business could be just what I need to jump-start my career as a high-class prostitute. Hmm. There's a thought.

Not Exclusive!

In fairly typical style let mine be the third or fourth website to link to my own flash movie - Jada! Enjoy. Possibly. (not to be taken internally may aid weight loss only as part of a calorie-controlled diet)

Thought for the day

Fact: A green banana is full of starchy carbohydrates, providing long-term energy reserves. However, the longer the banana is left, the more starch converts to sugars, giving a shorter-term energy boost.

Conclusion: Nature is capable of far more profound and bitter irony than could ever be dreamed of by mortal men.

Purple Ronnie: The Truth IV

Purple Ronnie: The Truth III

The Lettuce Crisis failing to materialise, spending the last month in an airtight bunker full of legumes was perhaps ill-advised. No matter.

Troubling news

There is a Lettuce Famine. Because of a national shortage of the leafy vegetable, lettuce prices could as much as double. Oh dear god, no.

Purple Ronnie: The Truth II

Chupacabras has a moment of clarity